Laying down the law

“I been in this game for years, it made me an animal. It’s rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual. A step-by-step booklet for you to get your game on track, not your wig pushed back.” Now, now! I won’t be schooling you on how to move a pack as The Notorious BIG so eloquently did in “10 Crack Commandments,” BUT I will be sharing tips on how to get chose, word to Pimp C. Since getting chose is the name of the game, I figured I’d share a few gems on what’s been either successful for me or annoyed the hell out of me. So here goes:

1-Get your spelling and grammar together– I know we live in the technology age where simple misspellings and grammatical errors are often overlooked, but when it comes to online dating and communicating with people online, in general, it’s important to make sure they can understand what you’re saying. I’m not the grammar police and I’m not tripping off of abbreviated words, the use of slang or even a few misspellings, BUT if I have no clue what you’re trying to articulate, YOU. ARE. CANCELED real quick!

2- Do enough without doing too much with your profile – Nobody likes to read in 2017. Shoot, I’m surprised, you’re even reading this right now! Lol. So it’s important that you capture someone’s attention quick, fast and in a hurry without doing the entire most. Turn on your personality and highlight your best qualities in a few words. Don’t be too long winded because I promise ain’t nobody checking for that – besides me. Lol! Don’t be too arrogant but let these people know that you’re confident in whatever it is that you do and who you are.

3-Be mindful of the message your profile picture sends – I hate to be that girl, but, yes. In 2017, people judge you solely off of your appearance. Regardless of if I agree with it or not, that’s just what it is. When it comes to selecting a profile picture, think of how you want to be perceived by the people who’ll be checking you out. Whether that means canceling your booty pics, not throwing up random hand signs (unless you’re in a fraternity or sorority) or stunting in front of endless bottles in ‘da club, just make sure your pictures reflect what you want people to think about you. ALSO, please, please, please make sure your background is decent. No dirty rooms or filthy mirrors please. And another thing, make sure your lips are at least moisturized and you don’t have eye boogers looking like you popped up out of your sleep to take a pic for a dating app.

3-a Death to group photos– Whenever I come across a profile and see someone in a group picture, I automatically assume they’re the least visually appealing person in it. Maybe that’s me being shallow once again but hear me out. In today’s day and age of social media, who in the hell doesn’t have at least one good picture of themselves that they’d like to share on a dating site? Can you image seeing a guy in a group picture and thinking he’s the one whose profile you’re on only to swipe through a few of his pics and see that it’s someone else? Man listen, put up your best selfie so we don’t have to wonder who ‘dis.

4- Brush up on current events – Having a basic understanding of what’s going on in anything from sports, entertainment, music and politics can be hella helpful. More than just giving you things to talk about that gives you deeper insight into someone’s personality, it also helps you score brownie points AND it helps prevent those random awkward silences that we ALL hate.

For instance, I was talking to one guy and he mentioned being at a specific basketball game. Fortunately for me, I had literally just gotten off of Twitter where the same game was not only trending but was featured in just about every tweet on my timeline. I wound up using my hella basic knowledge of basketball and the tidbits I’d seen while scrolling down my TL to strike up a pretty interesting conversation. Now I’m no Stephen A. Smith or Skip Bayless (they both annoy the hell outta me BTW), BUT I managed to have a pretty dope convo outside of the annoying “what’s your name/what do you do” exchanges and dude seemed pretty impressed.

5- Play it cool – Nothing annoys me more than someone that’s super desperate. I get it, we’re living in an era where instantaneous gratification and being “bae goals” is everyone’s “life goals” but don’t take dating online too seriously. If you get a like or a match, that’s lit. If someone you’re checking for never matches you, don’t trip. If you meet someone and you like talking to them, that’s great. If you meet a bunch of losers, that’s great too. Don’t let a few negative experiences sway your decision to date online. Don’t let a few popping dates with someone rush you offline either. Don’t let the concept of a ticking biological clock (it’s ticking loud AF for me and I’m only 27) make you rush into settling down if that’s not what you really want. Dating is supposed to be a fun experience so just chill out and enjoy it. Don’t pressure yourself or anyone you meet into moving too fast because you want to be engaged, married or have children before a specific time. Take all the time in the world so that you can be 100% certain that the person you meet, in the event that you even meet someone, is the one for forever, not just for right now.

6- Security! Now, this may seem a little extreme but with dramatic rise in human trafficking, you can never be too safe. The nice guy, that’s fine AF, with a dope gig and checks off the majority of the bullet points on your “Ideal Black Man” checklist can very well be a weirdo that’s into kidnapping and sex trafficking. Don’t laugh, it happens. Thousands upon thousands of women, especially BLACK women, go missing every day so you can literally never take a single “meet up” too lightly. Always make sure your cellphone battery is charged to 100% before you link with a potential bae. Be sure to fill at least one person you trust in on all of the deets of your date and if it’s possible share your location with them until you’ve safely made it home. I know somebody somewhere is probably thinking I’m dragging it/doing the most/OD’ing whatever, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So have fun, but just be smart and pay attention to EVERYTHING.

7- Get you a Google number, sis – Everyone you meet online isn’t always deserving of your real life phone number. That’s giving a stranger way too much direct access, if you ask me and ain’t nobody got time for all that. My suggestion? Google Voice! It gives you the opportunity to select your own area code and shows a list of available numbers you can select. You can send texts, receive calls and voicemails via Google Voice and that’s dope AF. Even better, you can easily ditch your google number in the event that a potential suitor gets to be too much without the hassle of changing your number IRL.

8-Go with your gut – This one is pretty self explanatory. Trust your instincts. If something feels right go with it. If something feels wrong, act accordingly because as stated in the previous commandment, you can never be too careful.

And that’s a wrap. Let me know if you guys have any other tips for online dating.

Until next time,

One thought on “Laying down the law

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