Get. It. Together.

Usually, I come to you guys with a positive attitude genuinely excited for the foolishness or epic ish I’m about to share but today is a little different. I’ve had some run-ins recently that I didn’t find humorous, they actually annoyed TF out of me. Case in point the following text exchange:

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Like my Uncle Charla (Charlamagne Tha God) always says, “I may not be the highest grade of weed in the dispensary,” but why on God’s green earth are the men I’m running into incapable of carrying on a conversation with a woman they’re interested in? Not even just that, they don’t take anything besides their physical interest in me into account and that makes me question a lot more than their manners or lack thereof. So instead of going on one big rant about how these new dudes get on my goddamn nerves, I decided to compile a few tips that I’d wish the men I met were all aware of. So, here goes:

Be mindful of your compliments– calling a woman you’re interested in sexy as if that’s her first name may be okay with some women but, for women like me, it grinds my gears. You find me visually appealing? Cute? Even sexy? That’s dope HOWEVER, I’m more than that and would kindly appreciated it if you’d focus on something else… like calling me the name I was given at birth.

Don’t get too familiar too soon– a few text messages makes it seem as though you’ve known someone for years, but be mindful of the fact that you haven’t. Don’t get too comfortable using pet names or acting certain ways when you’re interacting with someone you’ve just met. As nice as people appear they are still complete strangers.

Be honest– I don’t know where the preconceived notion that women can’t handle the truth came from, but it’s a lie. When it comes to men, I’d rather you be straight up about whatever it is that you want, expect and intend to do with me and my time. You wanna “wam, bam, thank you ma’am,” if you’re up front (in a way that’s not offensive) you might get exactly what you want. That’ll stop the hassle of going on long dates, boring phone calls, whatever. Just be truthful about your intentions with respect for the person you’re interested in and I’m almost certain that you can get them to do whatever it is that you want. At least that’s what’s worked for me.

Be respectful– I don’t know who raised y’all new dudes, but clearly respect wasn’t on the list of things you were taught. Before you hit me up saying anything, how about greeting me? A “good morning” or “good afternoon,” shoot even a basic “hello” will go over way better than a “when you coming to see me sexy.” Like dang, are good manners that hard to come by? Have a little tact. Flirting is cool but when I get the gist that your entire focus is on getting to know my body instead of my mind then it’s time for you to exit stage left.

Be forward– I know this sounds like the previous section but it’s not. You’re interested in going on a date with me? Then say that. We’re bonding over our common interest in tequila and you know a bomb tequila bar? Ask me to accompany you. You wanna see if I’m as dope as I look in pictures? Don’t beat around the bush with the whole, “oh when are we going to chill.” Nah, take the initiative and invite me somewhere public. Me personally, I’m not trying to Netflix and chill with anybody that I don’t know personally or doesn’t have a direct connection to someone I know and trust. You new dudes that I’m meeting off the innanetz don’t stand a chance of me crossing the threshold of your home until I trust that you’re not going to kidnap/rape/sell me into human trafficking.

Respect my safety– I’m not sure if you guys are aware but women have to be extra cautious when dating. You may not be one of them, but there are tons of men who prey on women and that puts us, or maybe just me in particular, in a constant state of awareness, shoot it may even be paranoia. ┬áThe struggle is real out here in these online dating streets but, for us ladies it’s even more dangerous. So, be mindful of our security when pursuing a woman. Although you may be a good natured, stand up kind of guy, a woman should always put her security before her interests. As a suitor/potential bae, it’s your job to ensure that she never puts herself in a situation that could possibly compromise her safety. Coming over to chill after two or three texts conversation may seem like nothing to you, but think about it. Would you be okay with your sister/niece/little cousin/daughter doing the same? Keep that in mind before you try to Netflix and chill someone after sliding in their Instagram DM’s.

Keep your safety in mind– Most men have this belief that they are untouchable. It’s cute and sometimes admirable BUT just like women, men need to keep their safety in mind too. The chick you met on whatever app could see the things you’re flossing on IG, bottles you’re posing with in the club and decide to line you up (that’s New York lingo for set you up to be robbed). Don’t believe me? Just read this story right here. So while you think you maybe about to smash real quick or Netflix and chill with the baddie with the body you fell head over heels in lust with, she could very well be planning your demise. Smarten up, fellas.

Chill with all that sex talk– We’re all adults here, right? And for most of us, sex plays a big role in the relationship(s) we have with the people we’re interested in. That said, constantly bringing up sex is corny AF. I totally get it. When you’re physically attracted to someone and your hormones are raging, you’re ready to get down to business, but as a woman I can assure you that’s the easiest way for me to lose my interest. In my experience with life, and sex too, the people that talk the most are the ones who turn out to be the biggest disappointments. You can do this? You like that? Oh, really, that’s cool but that’s not what I’m trying to talk about when I’m eating my breakfast. Oh you’re a freak? That’s cool. Seeing videos of you pleasuring yourself is just not what I’m interested in having on my phone at 9AM. Leave me something to be excited about. You’re confident in your skills and abilities to do whatever? That’s great. Don’t talk about it, when the time comes prove it and that’ll do enough talking for the both of us. BUT for most of you Chatty Patties out there, you miss tons of opportunities because of your big mouths. So take it from me: pipe down (be quiet), put the pipe down and go on about your business.

And scene! That’s all that I can think of at the moment. I’m sure I’ll be back with more antics because the foolery I encounter goes from one disastrous extreme to the next. Oh yeah, ya girl’s birthday is tomorrow so talk to me nice and leave me sweet bday messages!

Until next time,

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