Let’s Talk About Sex, BayBee

DISCLAIMER: This post about sex so yeah… feel free to exit stage left if ME talking about sex gives you the he-bee-gee-bees. Trust me… it’s no hard feelings!

Now… back to the task at hand…

Growing up, H-Town’s “Knockin’ Da Boots” was one of my favorite songs. Lord knows why me and all of my four-year-old innocence would connect to so deeply to a R or X, depending on who you ask,  rated song following its 1993 release but whatevs, judge me not! All I knew was somebody was rockin’, knockin’ da boots all night long, and as soon as the beat dropped and Dino belted out that first “Wellllll” it was on and poppin’. Body roll and all!

(Okay, maybe minus the body roll but you get it. I went hard)

Fast forward 20 something years and the song obviously has a completely different meaning to me. I can proudly sing along with G.I., Shazam and Dino knowing exactly what they mean when they sing about “making love until we tire to the break of dawn.” That said, if you’re looking for somebody that’s “body rockin’ knockin’ da boots” in 2017, it damn sure ain’t me.

I accidentally (I’m not sure if that’s the best word but it’ll do for now) stumbled into the lonely world of abstinence and I’m confused AF about it. I didn’t intentionally set out to refrain from sex. It’s just one of those things where you need another party’s assistance and I literally had, and presently still have yet to find someone to indulge with.

Stop, I know you’re probably laughing (like everyone does when I say that) but it’s literally the truth. As previously stated, I was in a long ass relationship (6 years if you missed it) with someone that lived 200 miles away. TBH, we X’ed that part of our relationship out months before our split. It was awkward. I wasn’t going to see him and he damn sure wasn’t checking for me so there was nothing going down. But any who, once that “source” was cut off , it was pretty much a drought from there. Unlike most people in the world, I don’t have a black book of hoe-mies to hit when I’m in need of some ehh…companionship? I legit put all my eggs in one basket and when that door shut, I didn’t have any other way in.

Like most things, I talked to my friends near and far about the pickle I’d gotten myself in and got tons of feedback. Some friends called for an all out hoe phase à la Issa Rae from Insecure, while others couldn’t believe I had no plan B,C,D and E waiting to be activated. One of my closest gal pals and her hubby (hey y’all if you’re reading this) asked if I’d be interested in staying celibate/abstinent (whichever one really applies) until marriage and I literally didn’t know how to answer. I mean, yeah, it’s super easy to refrain from sex when you’re 100% single with 0 prospects and no old things hiding out in the cut BUT that question brought forth a bunch of new questions for me.

Am I going to maintain my abstinence/celibacy when I eventually meet someone? Am I capable of waiting until I get married? Do I even want to not have sex? I had so many thoughts and I still do. Not having sex hasn’t bothered me much. I’ve got to be honest though, there was one day that was kind of like an epiphany for me and all of my sexlessness. I was out with one of my besties and we ran into some handsome, fine, literal gorgeous ass men (who just so happened to be with their wives and girlfriends. Don’t worry, I just looked) and I knew that this couldn’t be a forever thing for me.

Like I said before, it’s easy to refrain when there’s no one here tempting me. I haven’t ran across someone I’d even want to kiss since last summer, so doing anything more than a side hug (Duggar family style) never once crossed my mind (even on dates). BUT, and there’s always a BUT, I do think that when I come across someone who makes me feel some type of way (and I’m sure you all know the way I’m referring to), I’m sure I’ll be “Feenin'” (that’s another ’90’s track that fits the bill) and this abstinence/celibacy thing will be a thing of the past… At least I hope it will. LOL.

But enough of me and my antics, I want to hear from you guys. Have you ever experienced a dry season? If so, how did you manage? What made you decide to give it up, or in my case, not give it up at all? If not, give me all of the tea on your big black book of numbers or whatever you did (without too much detail) it keep it all flowing.

Until next time,


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