It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been doing a lot of talking. Talking what I don’t want in a guy, what annoys me about guys, not hunchin’ (Toya Turnup voice) on guys, just about everything besides what I’m looking for in one.
So, you know me, I’ve got to give the people what they want. Instead of going on one big rant, I decided to compartmentalize my wants (blame it on my ever present OCD) and share them with you all.
Physical attributes, or what I like to call shallow sh-t, doesn’t really matter to me. Of course, I’d love to find a tall, dark and extremely handsome Trevante Rhodes doppleganger, but I know the chances of that are slim AF. Realistically, all I want in a man physically is that he’s taller than me and all 5’6” of my awesomesauce. As cliche as it is, physical attributes change overtime and since I’d like to be with someone for the long haul, I’m okay with varying body weights, shapes and sizes. Besides I’m no one’s fitness fanatic, so I can’t judge anyone else too harshly.
(that’s Trevante Rhodes and all of his fineassmanness btw)
When it comes to dating I don’t have too many nonnegotiables. As long as a man is heterosexual and doesn’t have any questionable practices (he can’t be into kiddie porn or moonlight as a serial killer) then I’m pretty open. As much as I want to say religion is a nonnegotiable, I can’t fully commit to it. God told us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves so, that can include people whose beliefs may vary…right?
Character traits are some of the most important things that I look for in a guy. Is he honest? How does he treat his mama? What are his views on women’s rights? Those kinds of thing help determine my level of interest in a guy more than anything. So let’s get into it.
Honesty- I know it sounds really childish but honesty is the best policy. I’m one of those weird people who can’t lie to save their lives. There’s this running joke with my sister and best friends about me and some quarters and no matter how much time passes I can never let the lie go undetected. So of course, a man that’s honest and truthful is extremely important to me. I never want to be in a situation where someone felt like they couldn’t be open with me. Hiding things from me never really goes over too well because I always find out. My instincts and intuition are on FLEEK so I’m on full alert at the smallest sign of distress.
Somebody cue Kendrick Lamar and Rihanna because I need loyalty, LOYALTY, LOYALTY. A loyal man is everything. My man running a muck in these streets while I’m sitting here being all cute and docile just doesn’t cut it for me. I’m not trying to be out here looking stupid because you want to be all up in people’s DM’s and inboxes. Not even just when it comes to cheating or creeping, but in general. If something’s going on where I’m being discussed, I expect my man to defend my honor and make sure respek(Birdman voice) is put on my name at all times. Don’t be kiking with girls you know don’t like me. Stand up for me if one of your homeboys tries to throw shade. Take it from me, being in a relationship with someone that lacks loyalty to you is literal trash and will have you feeling like boo boo the fool and homey the clown all rolled up into one big God forsaken joke.
Someone who loves and respects women- This is another one that seems really basic but man, a lot of these guys out here are involved with women but hate them on the low. Womanhood is a hard concept for some men to grasp. That’s why I think the relationship they have with their mother, the way they look at women’s rights and how they treat the women around them are huge indicators to telling me what kind of man I’m dealing with. He thinks women should earn less than men no matter their qualifications? NEXT! He thinks the respect women should be given varies on how they’re dressed? NEXT! He talks poorly about all of the women in his life? NEXT!
Willingness to communicate and compromise- As much as I love love and adore being in relationships, it’s hard work. And if you’re paired with someone who is not always willing to communicate their issues and occasionally compromise, then it’s going to be 100 times harder. I don’t know about you, but I’m not mind reader. I can pick up on body language and vibes really quickly, but unless you open up your mouth and communicate your issues, then I’ll never know. Willingness to compromise proves that although your boo/bae/bf may have one preference, he’s willing to take your feelings in consideration and do something you prefer. No one is going to be 100% right or wrong in a relationship so you have to be willing to discuss your issues and be okay with not always being the one to “win” arguments.
Taking the lead- I like men that are direct in their plight to get to know me and be with me. You think I’m dope? Let me know. You wanna link up for dinner and drinks? Look up a restaurant/bar and ask me to join you. There’s just something grown AF about a man that’s like “Hey, I know you’re really into ABC and I know of this really dope restaurant that specializes in it. Would you like to link there whenever you’re free?” Sounds simple right? WRONG! Dudes legit beat around the bush to even ask you on a date and that’s a huge turn off for me. Like sir, we live in the same city. Why not link to see if we’ve got something going instead of having 100 text convos about how our days are going? We can learn more from each other in a 20 minute link and drink than we can through months of texts.
And scene! There’s tons more that I want in a man, but 1,000+ words in, I think I’m going to do us all a favor and end here. Our attention spans are short AF and ain’t nobody got time to be reading hundreds of pages at once. Part two will be available in the coming weeks, but in the mean time, get ready for a bomb ass, introspective AF post that features some tea from one of ya girl’s old thangs. There’ll obviously be more on that later.
Until next time,