Looking Back

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in dating is that it’s not who you are but who your partner perceives you to be that really matters. I can believe that I’m the most positive, uplifting and encouraging girl to my man, but if all he sees is a nagging, negative Nancy then I’m doing us both a disservice. When it’s time for that situation to end, I’m more likely than not going to bring that same baggage around to the guys that come after him and that’s a not.

That way of thinking has me convinced that the best person to give you insight and perspective into who you were in a relationship is the person/people you were involved with. They have the ability to hold up a mirror and reveal just how well your efforts at communication, compromise and everything else relationship related were received.

As amazing of a girlfriend that I think I am and have always been, maybe there’s things I’ve done previously that made my partners dispute that? Who knows better than them? So, me being my inquisitive self, I recruited one of my old thangs (and nope I’m not telling which one) for his perception of “Young Baeless The Girlfriend” so let’s get to it.

Not wanting to dig too deep into the “old feelings” well, I asked him a few simple questions just to get his general idea of what being with me was like. According to him, I was a “loyal, honest and easy going” girlfriend. All of that should come as no surprise, considering how much I babbled about the importance of loyalty and honesty in my last post. ┬áHearing him call me easy going is definitely something new, but hey, learning how they perceive you is what this whole process was about.

When it came to the root of our split, he blamed, “distance and lack of room to grow individually.” One of the biggest lessons I learned during this situation was the importance of distance(that’s not the way he meant it but deal). You know the whole being so enamored with someone that you just have to be up under them? That gets hella stifling after awhile. Your boo/bae/bf will still be there tomorrow, give that man room to breathe, sis (or in this case YB). Being so close really prevents you guys from growing as individuals and that’s a strong part of what keeps relationships fresh.

He didn’t end there. Another big cause of our split was attributed to “finances” on both parts. I definitely agree with that. Two broke, stressed college kids trying to make it can cause a strain on the most solid relationship.

When it came to summarizing our time together, he considered it “memorable” and attributed it as a “key factor” in his personal growth. That’s something that I’m happy to hear. One of my biggest plights in life is to leave people in better condition than I found them. If you can impart any kind of insight that will improve someone’s life, then job well done. He also mentioned that it was the “first day to day relationship” where “families” were involved.

Reflecting the biggest lesson(s) he’s taken from our situation, he’s learned that “space and hobbies are essential.” That goes back to the distance point I mentioned a couple paragraphs ago.

Lastly, I asked him a question I saw on Twitter that’s been driving me up the wall. What does your love feel like? That’s so interesting to me. For him? Not so much. It definitely confused him. LOL. According to him my love “felt good, warm and integrated.” Not too sure what the last one means but hey, it’s an answer.

Now that you all have an insight into what relationship Young Baeless looks like, you can have a better understanding of who I am and not think I’m just tooting my own horn.

Before I go, I have to shout that man out for being a willing participant in my shenanigans. It’s not easy discussing anything with an ex, so ‘preciate ya, good sir!

Editor’s note: For all yall noseys out there, yes, the kind sir mentioned in this post did grant me permission to use his words.

Until next time,

6 thoughts on “Looking Back

  1. This is so true. I’m actually still really tight with my ex, and in one conversation he checked me a bit and although it wasn’t pleasant; what he told me about myself had some truth to it. And if he can recognize tht potential suitors will pick up on it too. Sometimes when dating it’s interesting to know who you are in others peoples eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Yes! Yes! and YES! I’m so happy to know I’m not alone in seeing the importance of finding out the not so great things about ourselves courtesy of the ones that know us in the most intimate ways.


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