The further I get along into this dating journey, the more I realize the vast differences in men, women and how they communicate. In my personal experience (can’t be outchea making generalizations) most guys want to test the waters. They want to see how conversations flow, how chemistry vibes before getting down to the nitty gritty (i.e. asking for your phone number, initiating dates).
This sense of apprehension and passiveness annoys me. It makes me torn between curving them or going with the flow. My thought process goes a little something like “Hmm, girl! Do you really want to have to take the lead in this conversation with this whole grown ass man?” That’s the devilish heathen on my left shoulder talking me out of the conversation. The angelic sweetheart on my right says, “Hmm, maybe you should be a little understanding. He could be taking cues from you to figure out how to maneuver so cut the brotha some slack.”
Case in point…There’s this new guy. We’ll call him.. Hmm… We’ll call him Cross. Cross and I matched on Soul Swipe. We chatted there for a bit before he asked for my IG so we could talk on a more consistent basis. IMO whenever guys ask for your IG it’s because they want to see if you’re a catfish or not but whatever it’s all good either way. But back to Cross, we followed each other and he eased his way into my DMs. He mentioned possibly linking up or talking the phone during one of our earlier conversations. I told him that I was interested in getting to know him better so both of those worked for me. Either impressed or taken back by my candidness, Cross replied, “Really? I wouldn’t mind trying that. You’re cute for that one.” ‘That one’ as he so casually put it meant stating my interest and obvious intentions.
A day or so later, he hit me up and we were having a bomb conversation, if I do say so myself. Maybe I’ll make a post on how to spice up basic conversations because y’all. He gave a regular ass response and I turned it into a joke that he was really into. Hey! More cool points for me! But anywho, he mentioned speaking on the phone once and again the little people on both of my shoulders immediately went to work. I was like “Okay, this is his second time passively asking for my number. Should I give it to him straight out or should I make him work for it?” Y’all know what I did right? Made Cross work for it, duh! Here’s a glimpse of how the convo went down:
Young Baeless: That’s your second time mentioning talking over the phone. Is that your way of asking for my number?
Cross: Lol no it was just a thought. I’m not really a texter but I’ll adjust. Whenever you feel comfortable let me know.
YB: Whenever you’re comfortable asking for my number, I’d be more than willing to give it to you.
C: Sure. No problem.
And scene! We kept the conversation pushing but I noticed he became a little less passive. He made direct statements, ones where there was no room to question his intent. It let me know that sometimes, you have to be direct with your expectations (i.e. if you want something ask for it) so that people will know how to deal accordingly. I know it sounds like I’m super pressed like “ASK FOR MY NUMBER!” “TAKE ME ON A DATE!” But no, I just want the men I interact with to be MANLY and take the lead. I don’t mind conversing with you over an extended period of time before meeting up with you in person or giving you my phone number. I just loathe that passive aggressive, beating around the bush kind of behavior. Like sirs! We’re all grown adults (my age preference is set at 25-35 on all of the dating apps I use) use your words!
Whatever the case, I’m excited to see how things move forward with Cross; if they even move forward at all. Lol.
Also! There’s going to be some HUGE announcements coming to TYTB in the coming weeks. Just be prepared to get your whole, entire, mother f—king life!
Until next time,