Establishing boundaries is a major key (DJ Khaled voice) in having successful interactions with other people. When people are aware of what is and is not acceptable when it comes to dealing with you, they usually(not all the time b/c some ppl are habitual line steppers) make decisions with your preferences in mind. A lot of times people do things that tick us off, annoy and irritate us and instead of explaining that they’d crossed a boundary they weren’t even aware of, we get angry, frustrated, passive aggressive, you name it and that’s just flat out wrong. We just have to put our big girl panties on, man up and have those difficult conversations necessary to establish what we’re willing to put up with. I had to set some boundaries with the guy that I like recently and it went really well.
Earlier this week, he texted me ‘hey’ and I’d reply and then he wouldn’t reply for a few hours. When he’d finally reply, he’d hit me back with ‘hey’ again. If you remember correctly, I ghosted 007 for exhibiting similar behavior so clearly sporadic texting just ain’t my thing. Since I’m interested in this guy, I decided that it was important to attempt to establish some boundaries.
The first time, I just hit him with the “You seem busy, why don’t you hit me back when you’ve got a little bit more time to talk.” I thought that was a big enough indication that I wasn’t really here for the inconsistency but nope. He said he’d call me when he got home and can you believe that he didn’t? At that point, I already had it set in my mind that the next time we had a conversation, we’d have to quickly set up some boundaries b/c regardless of how much I’m checking for him, there’s just some ish that I’m not dealing with.
He wound up calling me the following day and mentioned that I seemed annoyed and he attributed it to my new work schedule (I pretty much work 3 jobs nowadays. one from 7-5/6 m-f, another 7-12 m-f and the last one 10-6 s/s). I quickly informed him that I was cool with work but I was super annoyed with him. Totally taken back by my answer, he laughed and asked what he’d done to annoy me and I happily let him know. I basically told him I would appreciate it if he only hit me up when he had intentions on being an active participant in the conversation ESPECIALLY when he was the one to initiate it. He let me know that those random texts throughout his “busy” day were moments that I crossed his mind.
I told him that instead of randomly saying “hi,” letting me know like “hey, you just crossed my mind just wanted to say what’s up,” or “hey, I don’t have much time to talk just wanted to see how you were.” Dass it! To my surprise, he laughed and admitted how annoyed he’d be if I’d acted in the way that he was. And whala, boundaries established!
Only time will tell if this guy really caught a hint but at least I was mature enough to discuss what irritated me and offered a suggestion to prevent him from annoying me in the future.
What do you guys and gals think about establishing boundaries? Is it really worth it? Are people usually receptive? Whatever the case, share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Until next time,
4 thoughts on “Establishing Boundaries”
Boundaries are a key to any relationship. I teaches you about each other☺️
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Okay! It helps manage your expectations too. Like bro, I’m not expecting to hear from you all day every day, just not that i’m not for that sporadic bs either.
Yes, this is good. I need to get into this whenever I get back on my dating spree. I, too, hate someone who initiates a conversation then goes ghost.
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Girl! It’s the bane of my existence!! I can’t deal with inconsistent texters.