Furthest Thing From Perfect

As much as I come on here and gush over how amazing Cross is, he’s human. He makes mistakes, irks my last nerve and is flawed AF, just like the rest of us. There are some days when I’m like “OMG he’s the sweetest thing,” and others when I’m like “this n—a is four/five seconds from being placed on the MF’n block list.”

Figuring out how I plan on navigating through Cross’ flaws and certain things that I’m not 100% sold on has obviously been giving me some things to consider as we grow closer. The biggest issue that I have with Cross is his availability. The question of whether or not I’m going to be comfortable with the time and attention that he’s been providing if we take things further (that’s a conversation he’s been bringing up a lot lately) is causing some serious strain.

If the time and attention he’s given me thus far is any indication then my answer is HELL f—g no! Now, now. I’m not asking him to be all in my face 24/7, HOWEVER I’d like to see him more than once a week after the ungodly hours of 12:00 AM or later. Unless he’s some sort of vampire and I’m clueless about it, that’s completely unacceptable. And no, get your minds out of the gutter. Ain’t no booty call hours, bih.

I totally understand that he has a life of his own with whatever TF he’s got going on, BUT I feel like if you don’t have the time in your schedule to pursue someone the way they deserve then merrily take your ass into the friendzone until you’re ready to prove otherwise. Don’t be all up and through my inbox and DM trying to be my man when you can’t tell me with 100% certainty that you’ll be able to do things when you say you are.

Maybe it’s just me and how I was raised, but my father always stressed the importance of being a man, or in my case a woman, of your word. Although my days seem pretty free and fun, they’re not. I have two freelance writing jobs that I work 7 days a week while I babysit my little cousin (she’s literally the most adorable little girl in the world btw) during the day so I know ALL about being busy and tired. BUT I also know about making an effort to use what little wiggle room I have wisely.

Cross and I had a HUGE disagreement the night I initially started writing this post. We stopped speaking for almost an entire day (OMG so long I know) before we had an even bigger argument about it. We expressed our grievances in a productive manner (after I got him together for raising his voice. That’s not how things work ’round these parts. At least not when I know I’m right) but things are still weird.

I just think it’s perfect timing. His birthday’s coming up and man! I was gonna blow a bag on the most bomb birthday gift BUT thank heavens he showed his behind before I was able to book it. I would’ve been grabbing one of my YB readers to come along with me in his place because, YALL. What I was gonna do was so nice and relaxing and amazing, that I’d even want to be my own girlfriend afterwards. HOWEVER, Cross is on the naughty list as of now and is deserving of a lump of coal for both his birthday and for Christmas, if he doesn’t get his act together.

Until Next Time,