Confessions

It’s no secret that I’m a love-obsessed, hopeful romantic, right? I mean we’ve all got a pretty good understanding that I’m pretty much addicted to love and being in love. Whether it’s giving love to the people I cherish most in my personal life or receiving love from those that adore me on a romantic level, I’m just obsessed with the way love feels. I swear it releases some sort of chemical in my body that has yet to be matched by anything (including edibles) I’ve encountered over the last 28 years.

That said, I miss being in love. It’s funny, I never realized how much I did until I had some time to think about it today. It probably sounds weird as heck, but I miss the comfort, security (even if it was a false sense) and pride that comes with being in love with someone and believing that they’re in love with you too. I literally get chills when I reminisce over memories I associate with being in love. Even if the circumstances weren’t always the best, those rare instances where I felt nothing but pure, unadulterated, unconditional love are some of my happiest and most prized memories.

I guess that’s why being single and dating is getting pretty old to me. To be completely honest, I feel like calling it quits on this Young & Baeless journey, but I know that seven months isn’t enough time to dedicate to an experience so foreign to me. I have tons of fun laughing and making jokes about the struggles of dating but after a while it’s like ‘girl, as funny as this stuff is, this is your actual life. The moments you spend talking to, going on dates with and curving these dudes are all seconds, minutes and hours you’ll never get back.’ Those kinds of internal conversations make me so hesitant to waste another second on dead end conversations and forced connections I know aren’t going anywhere. That internal battle also gets me annoyed when I see situations with the potential to turn into something serious (yes, I’m talking Cross) slowly lose its steam.

I know I keep saying this a lot but it’s weird. Maybe I’m lonely? Maybe it’s my lack of eh? shall we say affection? Maybe it’s because I’m eating snickers bars from Halloween and listening to an Anita Baker playlist while I’m PMSing (My bad if that’s TMI)? Who the heck knows? Whatever the case, I’m at an awkward point on this journey and it’s going to be interesting to see how I navigate through it all.
 
Until next time,