You don’t know how many times I’ve been asked the question posed in the title of this post. “You make being single look like so much fun. How are you not going crazy not giving up the goods in almost two years? How do you deal with being single?” People literally ask me that all the time and here’s how:
Regardless of it’s mommy/daddy issues, low self esteem, trust issues, whatever the case, use the time you have as a single person to get that shit (yes shit, because it’s that important) TF together. No one happily deals with someone with emotional baggage. You may think you’re fine, but I’m telling you, it’ll drive a wedge in the strongest, most solid foundations. If you’ve got to journal, hash out issues with your loved ones, or hit up a professional, do whatever you can to make sure that you let go of anything that prevents you from being able to love yourself and others freely.
I know this sounds crazy, but get to know yourself and enjoy your own company. Regardless of how long you’re with your bf, spouse, significant companion, the longest relationship you’ll have with anyone is the relationship you have with yourself. You should be comfortable being by yourself. Go out, see new things, take that writing class you’ve always wanted to take, pick up that hobby you never had time to because you were so preoccupied with other things.
I’ve come to realize that being productive while you’re single is a huge asset once you align with someone. Think about it, if you’re full of experiences and knowledge, you have that much more to share with someone. Ain’t no WYD all day, bih. Not when you’re traveling, exercising, achieving your personal/professional/emotional goals.
Life feels way more fulfilling when you do things that bring you joy. For me, it’s reading. I literally can sit on my Kindle allllll of the days and read EVERY. SINGLE. ROMANCE. NOVEL written by contemporary writers like Christina C. Jones and Love Belvin. I can literally turn my phone off (with the exception of Tidal b/c, duh, music is life) and be satisfied reading about other people’s love stories.
Next up, figure out what you’re looking for in a partner. Are you interested in long distance? Can you handle dating someone with children? Are you looking for someone in a specific age range? Whatever the case, figure it out before you meet someone and your left confused. Of course, life is hella unpredictable but it’s important to establish your ground rules. What things are 100% non-negotiable? What are you soft limits and things you’re willing to compromise on? Putting those pieces together helps you understand what type of partner you want and helps establish boundaries. When you lay down the law at the beginning, potential baes are fully aware of the rules and have the option of deciding if what you’re requiring is what they’re willing to deal with.
Do remember (DJ Clue mixtape voice)! Get your money up, sis. I read someone once that financial issues are one of the leading causes of all marriages in America. (I should also note that 50% of all American marriages end in divorce so yeah…) Being broke ain’t a joke. It causes all types of stress and that stress intensifies when you bring someone else into the picture.
If you’re single, got tons of free time and are strapped for cash, figure out a way to use your skills to bring in them dollar bills! You’re a dope writer? Start a business writing resumes or helping write papers. You know how to braid or sew really well? Use those God given talents to help you level up.
Even in the event you link up with a financially stable bae who refuses to let you touch a single check, it’s important that you be able to provide for yourself at all times. Don’t be out here mad that potential bae isn’t paying for your hair, nails etc. Get your money up and do it yourself. I mean it’s nice, who wouldn’t like to spend someone else’s money but ain’t nothing like having your own. When its time for a baecation, you don’t want to be the girl like, “Damn, I can’t really afford that right now” or if you randomly decide you want to splurge and do something really cute for bae, you don’t want to have to be checking your account balance every time you swipe your debit/credit card. Also, when you’re busy making money, it’s kind of hard to be consumed with being single and lonely.
Lastly… love yourself. It’s so easy to front like we’re positive and happy 24/7 but you know at your core the true way you feel about yourself and if there’s any negativity brewing, get it under control ASAP. Compliment yourself, build yourself up. Take yourself out on solo dates. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more confident you are (confident not cocky or arrogant), the more people will flock to you (at least secure people that aren’t haters).
Light attracts light. The more light you share with the world from the inside out, the more light you’ll be able to take in from others. I’ve come to find that people just love good energy and the only way to emit it is being happy with who YOU are job title, relationship, material items aside.
Until next time,