I’m in a weird space when it comes to dating right now. There may or may not be a person or two I’m entertaining at the moment, and I may or may not be interested in taking things further with one or both of them, BUTTT I don’t feel fulfilled. Not fulfilled like the person completes me, but fulfilled as in their interest in me just ain’t enough.
I don’t know if it’s me and my natural attention craving ways as a Leo, but childdd, I need more. More attention, more intention, more affection, more everything! And since I’m not getting enough of it from the person/people that are here in the present, then maybe I need to be proactive about getting it from somewhere else and that brings me to the whole point of this particular post: Should I go back to the streets (dating apps) or nah?
As you all know, this blog was created to chronicle my dating app journey so it should be no surprise that it’s something I’m considering. That said there are a few things holding me back. When I first started out there were a lot of great guys on apps and I had a pretty good time talking to, meeting with, curving and being curved by them. That said, there’s been a shift in quality. I don’t know if it’s because we’re in a pandemic or what, but it just seems like so many men are boring and uninteresting.
All I want is an emotionally mature, honest, Black man that’s taller than 5’5” and doesn’t have rap dreams at our big ages. I know it sounds like the bar is in hell, believe me, it most certainly is. I’ve never been the girl that’s refused to date men without a certain degree standing or a specific salary, but even if I was, I’d be hard pressed AF. IDK if it’s my luck, or just the type of men that I’m attracted to or the men who are interested in me, but friend? This is one big confusing mess.
I feel like I’m rambling, but honestly, that’s what it’s like inside my brain when I think about dating. You know how when you’re using a computer and there’s a million tabs open so your system begins to move slow and you can barely get anything done? That’s me at the present moment.
I miss companionship. I miss having a person. I miss being able to call and knowing without a doubt that someone will pick up and be excited to hear from me. Soo many amazing things have happened for me personally within the past few months and having someone to share them with would’ve been amazing. IDK if I’ve ever said it here, but Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. I’m a simp! A hopeful romantic! So you should already know, being able to celebrate the holiday with someone who was intentional about planning and celebrating me would’ve been the icing on the cake, but alas, I spent the day on a staycation celebrating myself.
The more I think about the people who are in my life, I have to give them credit for the things that they do give. Honestly, if they decided to pick up the slack, I’d be here singing a completely different tune, but the things they provide makes me crave all of that plus more on a consistent basis. The attention to detail one person pays combined with the way another person may comfort me just has me like UGHHHHHH! Why can’t y’all get it together?
The more I read along, the more I’m like girl, you need to get a life and stop being so boy crazy (no shade if that’s what you’re thinking too), BUTTTTT IDK the loneliness popped TF out and I’m over it. Like I said I’ve been doing so many things lately (even in the middle of a pandemic) and it feels like the only missing is a Mister (y’all caught that Hov flip or nah).
I’m still toying with the idea of whether or not I’m going back to the streets. The more I think about it, the more I feel less inclined to do it. Once upon a time, I had one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad experience that kind of scared me off the apps. I went back eventually, but it just ain’t been the same since.
If you’re still reading this you’re the GOAT, because I feel like I’m a whole damn mess, but I’ll wrap it up here. LMK if you’ve ever considered using a dating app and what your experience has been like in the comment section.
Until next time,