Hey… Remember me? It’s your favorite Young Bae (not so young, still hella baeless though) reporting live for duty! I know, I know, I’ve got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do but just hear me out before you start throwing shade!
My life went into a complete whirlwind at the top of the new year. I changed jobs, went through a bunch of personal craziness that kept me super preoccupied, but after months of nonstop dysfunction, I finally feel like my life has a steady rhythm! So, here I am! Back and dare I say… better?
Over the course of the many transitions I experienced in 2019, I found a new potential bae we’ll refer to as Camo going forward. We linked up on Hinge and I ignored the first and the most bright red flag in our initial conversation. He was a L-I-A-R!
If you remember me gushing about Hinge in a previous post, you’ll know that one of the things that I love most about the app is that it let’s you ask three unique questions/prompts. One of the prompts that I’m always sure to incorporate in my profile (because I’m always deactivating and reactivating my account) is that my biggest pet peeve is when people lie in their dating apps.
That in mind, Camo and I began talking what we’re looking for… You know typical dating app first convo stuff. I mentioned something about height, and Camo replied, “Oh, so I guess that means you like tall guys.” Instantly I knew that he was short and not just 5’7, 5’8 short but maybe like 5’5 and below short… before I made an assumption, I clicked back over to his profile where he said he was 5’9”. I caught a quick glimpse of his pictures and a light bulb went off beaming in my head! I ran back to our chat, where I told him, ‘That sounds like something a short guy would say.’ Much to my dismay, he confirmed that he was indeed 5’5″. After realizing that he lied about his height in his profile, I asked, “Sooo… I guess you didn’t get a chance to check out my profile?” He replied, “Yeah, your pictures are dope.” “No, like the prompts. I mentioned my pet peeve being people who lie in their bios,” I interjected. It took him a minute to respond back, but when he did, he swore, “Nah, it’s not like that. My homeboy made my profile for me and he used his own height.”
Another alarm started going off immediately, but you know what I did, right? I ignored it because… I’m into self-torture apparently
Despite the mix up about his height, we wound up taking our conversation off the app and on to Instagram, where I swear men from dating apps add you just to make sure you’re not a catfish. Over time we developed a cute little rapport. We went out on three or four dates in a month. He was hella sweet, we had tons of things in common and always smelled really good. But of courseeeeee there were more red flags that I managed to disregard along the way.
On one of our first dates, he was late. I don’t know what it is with these men but whew, chile! It’s the entire ghetto when a man presses you to spend time with him, schedules a date and time and doesn’t have the decency to show up in a timely fashion. It was so bad that his lack of punctuality became a running joke between us. His excuse was always, “I’m Haitian, you know what they say about Haitians, right,” alluding to the saying that all Haitian people were late. I always replied, “Well, you know what else they say about Haitian men,” joking about the running myth of them being labeled as cheaters.
Things were cool between us for a while untillllll he hit me with the whole, ‘Yo, I haven’t seen you in a week. I’m trying to link.” In my defense, I was working two jobs, 9 a.m.- 6 p.m. and 6 p.m. – 10 p.m. M-F so I literally had no time to do anything besides work during the week. And on the weekends, my friends and family occupied the majority of my time. I told him that my work schedule was pretty hectic and he would be bored because I’d be sitting there writing articles the entire time. He said he wouldn’t be phased because he wanted to link up so badly. I figured, ‘Why not? He’s pressing me so much so I might as well pull up.”
We linked up at a Thai restaurant near Union Square and things were going well…until I got assigned my first pitch for the evening. As soon as I pulled out my laptop I noticed his entire vibe changed. I tried to keep the conversation going, but he seemed mentally checked out. I asked if he was cool and he said he was but I knew better. We walked to the train station together and that was it. I felt like a man (who wasn’t paying a single one of my bills) that was intimidated by my hectic work schedule wasn’t worth my time so I refused to hit him up.
We pretty much didn’t talk for a good three weeks, but as soon as I posted a selfie on Instagram, he found his way back. We tried talking about hanging out again and it was cool until it wasn’t.
The final nail in the coffin over the course of two dates.
We were driving in his car and he had his propped up on a fixture that he uses for navigation so it was clear as day when someone with a female name called him on Facetime. He said that it was his friend, but home girl was pretty relentless. I didn’t think much of it because I’m the queen of calling all my friends and family on FT at random times of the day. The awkward moment came when his phone rang again, and he answered. The not-so surprising part… is that it was a man calling during the one call he picked up.
Once we arrived at a nearby hookah lounge, we talked and he mentioned wanting to get serious. I told him that I wasn’t really interested in that at the moment. I can’t really explain it. I want to be in a relationship, but I know that a large majority of the men I encounter talk a good game, try take you out the league only to maintain their own roster and I just knew Camo had a lengthy one. He said that he was serious about me and that I was worth the wait but I knew what that was a translation for… After months of talking and cute kisses he was tryna…
And I had no interest in that. My drought is still in full swing and I’m not trying be with somebody that’s for everybody. No community peen for me!
We wound up linking one more time after that and that was pretty much the end of us… for real this time!
He asked me to go shopping with him when I got off of work and I agreed. We met up at a local mall near me and his phone kept ringing. Things got a little awkward because he hit the volume control button on his phone and started to walk away. Me being me, I gave him room and did my own thing. When he was finished shopping, he found me at the stores entrance and we hit a few more that I wanted to check out. We both were pretty hungry so we decided to get something to eat afterward and then he tried to pull the oldest trick in the book. He got a phone call and did the most obvious, “Oh my God! Friend, you have an emergency? I’ll be right there.” At that point I was done, I told him, like ‘Yo, you go handle that and I’ll go dip off into a restaurant by myself.” He hit me with a fake remorseful vibe like, “Oh, nah, I’ll take you home it’s no biggie.” I was irritated at that point so I was just like ‘Aight, let’s go.” And that was it.
He texted me two or three times since then but I never replied. I randomly stumbled across his Instagram Story like a week after his last message and he had a whole girlfriend! They wore matching sneakers and he was giving her a birthday shout-out as his ‘queen,’ etc and it was super cute.
I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew what it was all along. I was irritated because if I really liked him, really wanted to be with him and invested my feelings into him, he would’ve played TF outta me.
And that’s the story almost bae aka Camo.
It’s finally warming up in New York City so you know I’ll be hitting these streets finding men to date and dish our shenanigans #onhere.
Until next time,